


A Halloween Expert

by flightinflame



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Cinnamon Roll Dirk Gently, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Halloween, M/M, Post-Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Spoopy Shapeshifters, Team as Family, Todd Brotzman is a Good Boyfriend, halloween fluff, ptsd mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 17:26:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21183197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/pseuds/flightinflame
Summary: Dirk decides he must have what is frankly the most hideous tie that Todd has ever seen, and Todd soon learns that Dirk and Mona have no idea about Halloween. So Todd ends up trying to explain it to them both, organising the holiday with minimal stress and maximum fun, whilst discovering that sometimes Halloween shapeshifters can be unnerving.





	A Halloween Expert

**Author's Note:**

> So a huge thanks to Hellz for organising this bang, alittlefellowinawideworld for being an amazing beta and firebloodmayhemred for the adorable art which can be found [here](https://firebloodmayhemred.tumblr.com/post/188614839913/a-halloween-expert-flightinflame-dirk-gentlys)! Also thanks to TnC and Lourdesdeath for their support while writing this.

"Todd! Todd! ToddTodddToddTodd!"

"What?" Todd muttered with a fond shake of his head, turning towards his hyperactive boss-slash-boyfriend. "You're bouncing." In Todd's opinion, no one should be bouncing when shopping for breakfast foods, especially when Farah had given them instructions to make sure they got something sensible. It just wasn't a bouncy thing. It was a thing that you did, and then you got home and ate, and then you downed some coffee, and then maybe you would be ready to start the day.

Dirk clearly disagreed.

"Look what I found!" He held up a frankly hideous deep red tie, which was punctuated by little neon orange pumpkins and glittery black bats.

"I...see."

"I love it." Dirk said, and grinned. "Can we buy it? Please?"

"It's not very professional -" Todd pointed out, even though technically that wasn't something he was meant to worry about. Farah was meant to keep things professional, but he had enough respect for how hard Farah worked that he tried to at least keep a degree of common sense happening. But Dirk looked like someone had just dumped a bucket of water over a kitten, all wide sad eyes and soft whimpering, and Todd knew he couldn't withstand it.

"Alright. We can get it."

"Thank you!" Dirk almost shouted, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to the side of Todd's face. "I love you. Just so that you know. You are the best ever and I want you to remember that, no matter what happens. You got me a cute tie. It's strange though, normally supermarkets like this don't stock ties."

Todd stared at him. Seemingly unaware of the scrutiny, Dirk continued. "And what's even stranger is the fact that they went for that particular design, and a rather fetching black one with little white ghosts on. I thought that was quite cute, but honestly this one was rather sparkly, so I thought it would go better with my current outfit choices."

"Dirk, that tie doesn't go with anything-"

"Yes, yes. Well, the way I see it, surely if you're taking a small branch out into the world of tie-selling, as one does, you would begin with something a little more conventional. A dark blue perhaps, or even a black. I do find this really rather lovely, but I can't imagine it has as many potential buyers as-"

"Dirk," Todd interrupted, reaching for the offending tie and turning it over in his hands. At least it looked like it wouldn't fall apart the first time Dirk wore it. Knowing Dirk's luck, it would be destroyed by other forces soon enough, but the knowledge it wasn't a total waste of money was of some benefit. "You do realise this is a Halloween tie?"

"I... of course I do. Obviously. It's a Halloween tie, for Halloweening." Dirk said, with an expression which showed quite clearly he had had absolutely no idea that Halloween was approaching, and wasn't entirely sure what it was.

Todd sighed, and headed towards the check outs. He would buy this, and then they could talk about it. At least Farah's expression when he got home should be entertaining.

***

Dirk loved his Halloween tie, wearing it almost constantly throughout October, taking it off only when Farah insisted. Todd was quickly coming to regard it as one of his better purchases (and had returned to the store to buy another three spares, just in case something dreadful befell that one).

Todd picked up the tie one day from where it was lying on Dirk's desk, after Dirk had gone home. He was surprised that Dirk had left it behind. He had told Dirk, multiple times, that the tie wasn't suitable for work, but he had taken to bringing it to work with him and displaying it on his desk 'to brighten the place up'.

The tie gave a rather indignant squeak, and jumped out of his hand.

"Mona?" He asked the confused black cat that was sat on the floor. It blinked up at him with bright yellow eyes, and a moment later she stood there instead.

"You scared me..." She told him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise that was you, Mona." Todd hesitated. "How long have you been that tie?"

"Oh, about a week." She told him. "He said he liked it, but he needed to wash it because he'd got coffee on it, so I thought that I could be helpful. Dirk says I'm very helpful, I like being helpful."

"You are." Todd nodded. "Well, I'm glad that's sorted out-"

"Why is there a spider on the window?" Mona asked, in her little sing-song voice. Todd felt he deserved some kind of bravery award for not fainting when she asked that. He turned around and saw that there was a spider sticker on the glass.

"I guess Farah finally gave in to Dirk's requests to decorate."

"Oh," The shapeshifter nodded, staring at the sticker, her eyes wide. "It's very pretty. It's a good spider."

"It is," Todd agreed, trying to ignore the fact that his partner's little sister often appeared to have escaped a horror movie.

"Why do we have a spider sticker? If we want a spider, I could be a big spider, and I could sit on the window. Or I could make webs, lots of pretty webs..."

"Uh, we're alright, thank you sweetie. I think we have enough spider webs as it is. Um." Todd hesitated, looking at her curiously. "Mona, you do know that it's Halloween?"

"I thought it was a spider," Mona pointed out, crossing her arms stubbornly and looking at him distrustfully. 

"I mean. It is a spider, it’s quite clearly a spider. But I mean that it's a spider for Halloween. A Halloween decoration."

"That's a fun word," Mona murmured, repeating it over and over to herself. "Halloween, Halloween, Halloween..."

"Yes." Todd said, trying to cut her off before she continued. "It is a Halloween decoration. So we are ready for the holiday." 

"I like holidays." Mona agreed. "Now, if I'm a tie again could you give me back to Dirk? I think he would like that."

"Of course." Todd promised, and a moment later there was a tie on the ground. He picked it up and carefully folded her, placing her into his pocket and heading home.

He pushed open the front door, to find Dirk there looking distraught.  
"Dirk?" Todd rushed over to him. Is everything okay?"

"I can't find Mo-" Dirk's voice trailed off as Todd held out the tie. "You found her?!"

"She was in the office. We had a discussion about Halloween. She seems quite excited about it all."

Dirk nodded, picking Mona up and putting her on again.  
"How about we go on a trip to the store tomorrow Mona? You could be a bat badge or something, and we can see all the pretty decorations."

The tie flashed green in approval, and Dirk smiled, looking at Todd. "You'll come with us right? You're a Halloween expert."

Todd considered, wanting to say that he wasn't exactly into that stuff any more, hadn't been since he was a small child. But looking at Dirk's excited expression, he knew he'd have to agree. "I am a Halloween expert, and I'll gladly take the two of you shopping for some decorations."

Dirk's arms wrapped around him and he pressed a kiss against his cheek.  
"Thank you Todd. You're the best."

Todd rolled his eyes, but couldn't quite bring himself to pull away. He just ruffled Dirk's hair, and promised himself that they would find a way of enjoying shopping for Halloween decorations without completely bankrupting the agency.

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow." Todd agreed with a sigh. At least he could spend an evening with Dirk first, before facing the chaos of Halloween shopping.

***

Todd woke up to the smell of coffee, mixed with a scent he didn't recognise. He looked up curiously, to find a child's drawing of a ghost hovering above him. He yelped, flailed, tangled himself up in the blankets, and then extricated himself to glare.

Now that he had put a little distance between himself and the apparition, he realised it was Dirk's height, and looked surprisingly like Dirk with a sheet thrown thrown over him.

"Dirk?"

"Yes?" The sheet-ghost replied. Todd couldn't see Dirk's forehead - the only part of him that was visible was his eyes. But he got the sense that Dirk was frowning at him.

"Why are you wearing a sheet?"

"Mona thought we should dress up for Halloween."

"Okay, so where's.." Todd started, and then sighed. "She's the sheet, isn't she?"

"Yep." Dirk agreed, and a moment later he was standing there with a large hairclip in the shape of a bat perched above his ear. He was wearing the horrific Halloween tie he had found the day before, and still looked like he was proud of it.

"If we're going shopping, she needs to stay the same shape all the time we're there. I don't want anyone to think we're acting strangely, or that we've stolen their decorations."

"We won't let that happen." Dirk promised. "Mona has already decided what she's going to be." He prodded the hairclip, and it slid to settle over the knot of his tie as a large spider. "See?"

"You're sure she wants you to wear her and not-"

"We're sure." He pointed at the spider-ornament's googly eyes. "She can see where we're going like this, and if she doesn't have to worry about being person shaped then she can think about all the other things she wants to be later! And she can wiggle some of her legs if she wants us to get anything." 

"I... I guess." Todd nodded, sitting up and fumbling for his coffee. He took a sip, and then nearly spat it out, frowning. "Dirk, what the hell is wrong with my coffee?"

"Oh, we put some pumpkin spice syrup in it! It's festive, and we thought it would put you in the right mood to start shopping with us." 

Todd nodded slowly.  
"Okay, I appreciate that you tried, and I do like it, but please... please don't start adding festive syrups to my drink without permission." It seemed like that would be a good rule to get established now, prior to the stores becoming filled with winter drinks. He shuddered, imagining the cinnamon-cranberry-turkey-spice-chocolate-syrup nightmare he'd probably escaped because of this particular wake up call.

"Okay!" Dirk nodded sympathetically. "I don't like it when people add sedatives to my food without warning, I should have realised it'd be the same for you and syrups." He said the comment so calmly that Todd wanted to scream, and walk into Blackwing, punch every scientist there, and then scream again. 

"Thank you Dirk," he said, a little strained.

"We have time for you to have some breakfast, and then we can go out shopping for decorations!" Dirk said. "I asked Farah if she wanted to come in, but she said she had things to do. Important things that she couldn't tell me about right now, but that you were the Halloween expert, so we were in safe hands. And she said she owed you one for taking us out to the store."

Todd sighed, and nodded.  
"Aright. Just give me some time to get into clothes, like, person clothes, okay?" He gestured at his pyjamas. "We might get weird looks like this."

Dirk nodded consideringly, as though he wasn't intending intending to go shopping for far too much in the way of Halloween decorations, wearing a hideous tie and a bright pink jacket.  
"Okay. I'll let you get changed, and then we can go out."

Todd nodded, pulling on an old t-shirt and jeans, and reminding himself that Dirk was worth this. Yes Dirk was over enthusiastic, but he was really excited about this, and Todd didn't want to mess it up. He continued to think about that as the two of them (three, if you counted Dirk's tie ornament slash sister) made their way towards the nearest store. He knew it would have rows of Halloween decorations, shelves draped with cobwebs and bones and stupid outfits. 

Todd had been too old for this kind of thing since he was about six. Dirk, of course, was utterly ecstatic about the whole thing. If Todd was smiling as they parked, he supposed that was Dirk's fault and not his own.

He just wanted to give Dirk a reason to smile, and Halloween was tacky and ridiculous, but it was new to Dirk. So Todd could face anything to make Dirk smile the way he did when he got to try new things, as though Dirk himself was sunshine, his eyes sparkling widely with sheer joy. It was a look that Todd was more than a little bit in love with. Even though he complained, it was worth this to make Dirk smile.

He reminded himself of that as the car parked, and Dirk headed straight to the Halloween aisle. Some of it didn't look too bad - there were some neat black trays, and ornate glasses, and black flowers.

Then there was the slightly less classy - golden insects and silver skulls, and snowglobes in which bones rattled.

Dirk, being Dirk, wasn't particularly interested in that. His attention had been grabbed by the most garish options, and he marched straight to the inflatable pumpkins and ghosts, looking at them in delight.  
"These are wonderful."

"No, Dirk." Todd frowned. He could put up with a lot for Dirk's happiness, but a ten foot high ghost waving a pumpkin shaped candy collection tin was too much. Not to mention with their luck the ghost would probably come to life, and Todd refused to die via giant ghost if he could possibly help it. "We are in an apartment, we need to look at least a little professional at the agency..."

Dirk, once again, hit him with the kicked puppy eyes. They were still embarrassingly effective, and Todd wished he was immune, but he couldn't say no. Still, he was aware Farah would definitely murder him if he returned home with that particular ghost. He sighed, considering.  
"We could get a small ghost - that one there, that's two foot, we can get that for inside the agency, only on the days around halloween itself..."

"Okay!" Dirk beamed delightedly. "That sounds good, thank you!" He searched until he found the right cardboard box, picking it up and cuddling it against his chest, almost humming with happiness.

Todd let him grab it, reminding himself that they were in this together, and that Farah couldn't complain too much.

"Maybe we can get a wreath as well?" He suggested. That seemed fairly classy. Or at least, it was theoretically classy. Unfortunately, Dirk took one look at a wreath that was purple and black tinsel, with bright orange baubles, and decided that was the one he wanted. 

Todd reminded himself that it was only for a few weeks, and braced himself for more. He didn't even want to begin to consider what decorating for Christmas would be like. 

"Todd? What decorations do you want? Your face is doing a thing. An "I'm grumpy and I'm pretending I'm not grumpy" thing."

"It's fine Dirk." Todd tried to push away his concern. Dirk was here because he was excited, Todd didn't want to ruin it just because he was a boring bastard.

"You ... you just don't seem happy." Dirk tried to explain. "You should be excited. Amanda said that Halloween was the most punk holiday, so I want to do it right, only it's..." He glanced at the wreath in his hands, and then placed it back on the shelf. "If it bothers you, if I'm doing something wrong, then I need you to tell me, because once I know then I can try and make it all okay. If I don't know I... I know I'm not punk Todd. But you're punk enough for both of us."

Todd snorted slightly at that. Dirk was ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. But he clearly meant what he was saying, and that was sweet. He squeezed Dirk's hand.  
"I ... I just don't really know how to do Halloween." 

"We give out candy to children and make our house look spooky! Only we can't make our house look spooky because its an apartment, but we could put things in the agency maybe? or we could invite friends over, or... I just want it to be a nice day for you." Dirk admitted.

Todd realised that Mona had left her space on Dirk's top and was now perched on his shoulder as a small mouse, gazing out at the world with wide excited eyes. She looked so hopeful about it all. Todd nodded, then turned away. "I'll be back in a minute." 

He took a deep breath, and strode to the front of the store, returning after a few moments pushing a shopping cart. “Come on, put what you find in here."

Dirk's eyes lit up as he did what he was told to.

Dirk eagerly picked out a few more decorations - some bat shaped candle holders, a very glittery pumpkin, and a ghost table lamp. Todd was regretting getting the shopping cart, but at least Dirk seemed to be somewhat limiting his purchases.

He turned the corner, and Todd could see various outfits now hanging among the decorations. Dirk examined a pumpkin costume that was clearly for a young baby, and then he seemed to freeze mid-step, a frown crossing his face.

"Dirk?" Todd asked, walking over towards him. Dirk hesitated, then shook his head and stumbled backwards a few steps. Todd glanced at the row of masks, noticing various horror movie villains, and over the outfits presented in packages - werewolves, vampires, nurses, mermaids - but nothing there that seemed particularly scary, especially compared to the kind of stuff they dealt with on a daily basis.

Wondering if that was the cause, Todd scanned for anything resembling the cultists they'd faced, but there was nothing. Dirk had sat down on the floor, his head in his hands.The spider had disappeared from his throat, and there was a quivering lump in his pocket.

Todd crouched down beside him, reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder.  
"Dirk? What is it?"

Dirk pointed up, and Todd noticed an orange jumpsuit with black writing on. From the angle where they were, he couldn't see it in detail, but he suspected he knew what it said - something about escaping from an insane asylum or a maximum security unit. There were handcuff accessories. 

"Dirk?"

"I... is it...I don't..." Dirk mumbled, opening and closing his mouth a few times like a particularly unintelligent goldfish. "Is... is that..." He closed his eyes, and Todd pulled him into a hug, trying to move him so he was looking away from the display. 

"Dirk. It's a costume, it can't hurt you."

"But there's... there's needles with the nurses and... and the jumpsuits ... it's the same orange as my ones used to be, and..." Dirk shuddered, leaning against his shoulder and nearly knocking him over."I don't like the idea of being a joke."

"You aren't a joke Dirk... do you want... do you want to go home? We can look online or..."  
"No, I can do this." Dirk sounded so determined, and Todd embraced him for a moment. 

"Shall we move away from these costumes? There's some cuter ones down that side, if you want to look at wearing something. Or you could just dress as yourself, that works too..."

"Thank you," Dirk whispered, and Todd helped him to his feet. He guided him over to the less scary costumes. Dirk considered various designs, holding up bright colours. Eventually a tiny mouse poked its head up from his pocket to watch.

"No clowns." Todd said firmly. He wasn't risking that, and anyway given their luck he wanted to make sure he could handle any potential evil that accompanied their outfit choices. Todd didn't like normal clowns at the best of times. Possessed Halloween clowns sounded impossible.

"What about that?" Dirk asked, pointing towards a t-shirt with a giant pumpkin on it. Todd shook his head, and then sighed as Dirk held up a suit covered in pumpkins, which reminded Todd of that stupid SNL sketch that got stuck in his head sometimes.

"What about a couples' costume?" Dirk asked, and Todd frowned.

"Why are we even dressing up?"

"Because we need to look good when we hand out candy," Dirk answered. "Because if we aren't dressed up, we're just two adult men giving children sweets, and that's not good behaviour."

Todd shrugged slightly, able to see the logic there. He scanned the shelves for anything that wouldn't be humiliating to wear, and wouldn't come back to embarrass him later. He paused, then decided he was setting his goal too high - Dirk would almost certainly be sending his photograph to Amanda, and she'd laugh at it. He considered for a little longer, and then decided he could just about tolerate dressing as a werewolf. He picked it up.  
"What do you think?"

"I like the idea of you being a bloody werewolf." Dirk agreed. Mona, who was once again a spider, wiggled her legs in agreement. Dirk looked thoughtful. "Now, if you're going to be a werewolf..." His eyes ran along the shelves and he yelped, rushing forwards and holding up a black cape, that was clearly intended for a vampire. He flipped it round, revealing the red lining. "I can wear this, and hand out the candy!"

"I... Dirk, are you being little red riding hood?"

"I said I wanted to do a couples costume, and I think this is a good idea. Come on, Todd... do you like it?"

Todd considered the potential for humiliation, and how ridiculous he would feel, and how happy this would make Dirk. In the end, the last factor won out.  
"I think it's a great idea."

"Brilliant, then we just need to get the last few things-"

***

It turned out that Dirk's idea of a few things and Todd's idea of a few things were two very different amounts, and by the time they got the shopping cart to the cashiers, it was full. But Dirk seemed delighted, and after his earlier panic Todd was just glad he was feeling better. He paid the bill, telling himself that he would always be able to use the decorations again next year, and helped Dirk decant the decorations onto the conveyor belt, and then back into the cart, and then into the car.

Dirk agreed to sit in the passenger seat, Mona in his lap. Mona had given up on being a tie-spider, and on being a shoulder-mouse, and was now a lap-pumpkin. She hadn't exactly stuck to the no form changing rule, but Todd was sure she could have caused far more chaos if she had wanted, so he was still grateful that she had at least tried to behave.

"Did you both enjoy that?" Todd asked, as though addressing a pumpkin was usual. The pumpkin changed, and now there was a carved smiling face, and a speech bubble saying "YES! :) " drawn on the outside.

Todd was just grateful that the pumpkin hadn't spoken, because apparently that was the stage his life was at.  
"We can put some of the decorations up, but not too many yet alright?"

"Alright!" Dirk said, enthusiasm undimmed by Todd's attempts at pragmatism. Todd tried not to worry, and drove them home.

Once they got back, they ended up putting up most of the decorations. Dirk would hold out various things, and Mona would turn into a copy of them, bouncing around the room until they found the perfect location. Once the thing was in place, she would turn into a bat, and circle the room until there was another decoration in need of her expert opinion.

Todd resigned himself to the fact that for the next couple of weeks at least he was going to be living in a vaguely spooky haze of black tinsel and orange pumpkin lights.

Mona was now back as a pumpkin, this one rainbow coloured and glittery. Todd considered questioning it, but then decided he'd be better off just accepting her wishes. Dirk placed her pride of place on his desk, and she seemed to glitter a little brighter.

Over the next few days, Todd learned to duck under the fake spider that loomed at the entrance of their flat, and had to institute a strict "No more than five candles lit at once" policy. He also had to bring in a rule of "don't draw summoning circles on the floor with runes you don't recognise", because adorable though the ghost dog that joined them for a few hours was, ectoplasm was hell on the floorboards and Dirk had begun pestering him if they could get a pet.

Farah had chosen not to visit their apartment. Officially, it was so the decorations would be a surprise when she and a few friends came around for Halloween, although judging by the careful diagram (accurate to the nearest inch) she'd requested from Todd with a scale, she didn't want to be surprised. Todd was fairly certain it was more to minimise her exposure to Halloween, but he couldn't blame her for that. 

What mattered was that Dirk was enthusiastic and happy, and Mona had been stopped from watching any horror movies. Of course, that still meant Todd had to deal with standard Mona, but mostly she was sitting on Dirk's desk as various pumpkin-themed ornaments, or else hanging from the doorframe as a bat.

This wasn't a huge problem, once she understood how big a bat was. Unfortunately, initially she'd assumed they were about five foot tall, and that had caused some structural damage.

The morning of the thirty first of October began with Dirk's phone ringing to the sound of the Monster Mash, and Todd trying to bury his head in the pillows and failing. He knew that today was going to be a long day, but at least hopefully it would be fun. He was still dreading his outfit, but he'd persuaded Dirk to let him go for early-in-the-transformation werewolf, and so could wear his normal clothes and just be a little hairier than he normally was.

Todd opened his eyes, saw that there was a little girl in a white dress sat by the side of the bed staring at him, and closed his eyes again. Once his pulse was back at a respectable level he cleared his throat.  
"Mona, is that you?"

"Yes!" The little girl answered in a sing song voice. "Dirk said Halloween was fun for children so I'm being a child."

"That's nice." Todd answered, certain his voice was far too high. "Do you think you could be you for now?"

"Okay!" She answered, her voice back at Mona's normal level of strange. Todd reluctantly opened one eye, and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw she was there in her normal human form. Still looked vaguely like she'd escaped a horror movie, but less so than before.

Given the date, Todd was fairly sure that a slight reduction in horror-movie-like appearance was the best that he could hope for from Mona. He prodded Dirk in the shoulder until the other man sat up, turning off his phone and grinning.

"Hello Mona!"

"Hello Dirk!" She answered. "I was being a child, but Todd made a funny noise so I'm being me now. I'm sorry if I made him scared."

"He could never be scared of you, don't be silly Mona." Dirk shook his head. "Do you want to practice for later?"

"Okay!" Mona answered, and then turned into a sheet ghost, which hovered around the room, skimming over the floor boards. Logically, Todd knew he couldn't be seeing what he was seeing, but sadly logic had nothing to do with what happened when he woke up in this apartment. And if Mona's plans for today involved hovering around the room pretending to be a ghost, he simply needed to accept that and move on.

So, Todd went to make breakfast, bringing it back to share with Dirk. As a concession to the day, he added strawberry jelly to the pancakes. Dirk seemed suitably delighted, clapping his hands and laughing when he saw it and then pressing a kiss to his cheek. By then, Mona had floated out of the room to play with the cat, so things could probably have been worse.

The guests were due to arrive at five o'clock, and they had taken the rest of the day off in order to ensure that everything was in place, a suitable array of Halloween food prepared. Some were already prepared - strawberry white chocolate ghosts, pumpkin pie, shaped biscuits and cupcakes were ready. They still needed to make toffee marshmallows, banana pops, mummy hot dogs and spooky sandwiches. Farah had helped with the planning, so it would all run to time, and they'd be ready for when the guests arrived. Todd was just beginning to make a start on washing some tomatoes when there was a knock on the door.

"Should I get that?" he called out to Dirk.

"No!" Dirk yelped, running over and then pushing the kitchen door closed. "I.. I think you should probably just be very quiet. Just to be safe."

"Ugh, if it's Amanda's lot..." Todd muttered half to himself, peeking around the edge of the kitchen door as Dirk opened the main door.

The first thing he worked out was that it definitely wasn't Amanda's lot who was there. They might have been chaotic, but they didn't turn up dripping with blood and carrying a chainsaw.

"Dirk, I got a job for you."

"Uh... hi Bart, why don't you come in, take a seat... I'll find you some clean clothes, and we can talk..." Dirk stumbled through his words, and Bart blinked at him.

"I got a mystery. That's what you do, right? You solve mysteries? So maybe you can solve this. People are being all weird." She looked up at Dirk expectantly. He hesitated.

"Weird how?"

" Ain't no one screamed at me since I left Blackwing. Normally people I ain't even trying to kill are all screamy at me, all 'oh no don't kill me don't kill me.' but today no one has. And it's weird. There's gotta be something going on, it just ain't right, and you're good at weird stuff and I can't just kill it better. I tried, and it doesn't work."

Dirk smiled faintly, although Todd was left with the distinct impression of one person who had only the weakest of brushes with an explanation trying to clarify it to someone with even less.

"Today's Halloween, Bart! People all dress up, they must have thought you were in a costume."

"Halloween?" She wrinkled her nose up. "What's that? Is that why some people look weird? I saw someone with blood on before I even had a chance to get blood on them..."

"Yes." Dirk agreed. "It's like... a big dress up party. And people try and be scary."

"Oh. I see. That's why people weren't scared though huh? They thought I was going to some big party? I don't have anyone to go to a party with."

Todd watched as Dirk squared his shoulders, and looked Bart in the eye. He knew what was going to be said. He wasn't sure he wanted it said, but it would be, so that was just what he had to face.

"You can come to our party if you'd like?" Dirk offered. "We'd like to have you."

Bart's face lit up with joy, and Todd felt his stomach sink.

"For real? You want me at your party?"

"As long as you don't try and kill anyone then yes."

"Oh." She considered for a moment, and then nodded. "I'd like to come to your party, and I won't kill anyone even if the universe asks me."

"Good. We'll get you some clean clothes, and then we'll finish getting ready... Todd and I are sorting out food, but you can help Mona do the final decorations!"

Todd supposed he should be grateful that Dirk at least had the sense to keep the woman covered in what was almost certainly blood away from the food preparation. He carried on as best as he could, trying not to overthink it.

When Bart returned, she was wearing a frilly white dress, with her hair up in pigtails. Makeup had been carefully applied across her face and bare arms to make it look like she was splattered in blood. She grinned awkwardly.

"That's a cool costume," Todd encouraged her. Her grin widened, reminding Todd somewhat of their cat, with far more teeth than should have fitted in a human mouth. Todd decided to focus on finishing the food.

A few hours later, there was the sound of multiple people slamming against their front door, accompanied by laughter and shouting. By then, Todd had put on the fake hairy hands and feet he'd agreed to for his own costume, and Dirk was dressed in the red inside-out cape that he'd purchased for today. Dirk grinned at the door, a little nervous.

It was Todd who stepped forwards, opening the door to a pack of strange and multicoloured creatures. The Rowdies all appeared to have chosen their outfits by grabbing whatever they could, not caring about a cohesive design or the idea of a particular theme, too caught up in their excitement at wearing something different. Amanda's hair was tipped orange for the occasion, and she grinned at him as the six of them barrelled inside, laughing and whooping and shouting at the food.

Todd saw the moment they noticed Bart, rushing over to hug her, and by the time they pulled away there was a feather boa around her neck and a witches' hat on her head. She looked utterly delighted by these new additions, and Todd supposed he was lucky that he hadn't gained them.

He checked the clock. The party was meant to start at six, and it was currently five minutes to. The doorbell rang, and he opened the door to find Farah there, her hair streaked white. Beside her stood Tina, painted green and with fake bolts through her neck. Hobbs followed in his uniform, and was quickly embraced by Dirk who pulled away with a pout.

"No, I'm not a vampire. Honestly, just because I'm Romanian." Dirk muttered, swooping off with his cape. Todd managed to resist the urge to call out a suggestion that Dirk was going to turn into a bat or hide in a coffin.

"He's little red riding hood."

"Oh!" Hobbs grinned. "I guess that explains the dress."

Todd laughed, and Dirk returned carrying a basket, full to the brim with candy. Dirk walked over and embraced him, stealing a kiss, and then went to give the sweets to their guests. 

Mona happily floated along as a sheet ghost, skimming over the furniture before becoming human to eat some of the candy.

There was a knock on the door, and Dirk opened it to a handful of small children, all adorably dressed up. Dirk was quick to offer them the candy, complimenting each of them.  
"I love your hat ma'am, and that's a beautiful tiara sir, and aren't you an adorable kitten!" He was in his element, happily talking away to people who were listening.

The children left, and Dirk placed his basket of candy by the door so that he could grab it whenever more children appeared.

***

Todd collapsed into bed, relieved to be out of the uncomfortable fake feet he'd been wearing. He'd given up with the hands hours earlier. He stretched, and sighed, and then smiled as Dirk flopped beside him and reached for his hand.  
"How was that?"

"It was perfect." Dirk muttered, stifling a yawn. "Can we do it again soon?"

"We can, but not until next year." Todd promised. Bart was asleep in the room that was meant to be Dirk's, and there was a small bat hanging from their curtain rail. The house was a mess, and Dirk was ecstatic. Todd was looking forwards to a rest, and tried not to consider what would be coming next. 

If Dirk was this excited about Halloween, he might be worse at Christmas.


End file.
